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She dragged the big Monster inside her en-suite
Full of lotions and potions all fragrant and sweet,
Full of loofahs and sponges to rub and to scrub
And rose scented candles lit round the tub.
Once there the Monster forgot ALL his troubles
In bath salts and oils and white, fluffy bubbles.
And as he relaxed, Mary started her mission;
She began by shampooing and then she conditioned...
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She used tinted toners, tonics and creams,
She applied elbow grease (as weird as it seems)
Because THAT, for Miss Mary, was EX-tremely rare.
After all, she was heir to a millionaire.
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She rolled up her sleeves and got stuck in her task.
She smeared on a Dead Sea, firming face masque.
She lathered and foamed, she combed and untangled,
Till the Monster emerged spick-n-span and newfangled!
"Well there you go, you no longer smell foul."
Said Little Miss Mary, handing over a towel.
"And now for the fun part, lets start from the top
To be brutally honest your hair is a MOP!
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I have to be frank - I am not even sure
Of how to approach this kind of coiffure.
Maybe a fringe? Or a crop? Or a bob?
Or perhaps a French Plait will do just the job?
Whatever we do you will first have to swear;
In future you'll take better care of your hair.
How on EARTH did you ever expect to make friends
With split-ends that have their OWN split-ends?"
The Monster's face faded by at least several shades
Once he spotted the glint of the sharp scissor blades.
Frightened, he opted to keep his eyes shut
And chewed on his nails, through his first haircut.
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Mary danced round his head like a crazed ballerina,
Like a MAD matador in a bullfight arena;
Dodging his horns while clipping his ears,
Which, it has to be said, only worsened his fears.
The Monster's anxiety did not diminish
Until Little Mary announced: "I AM FINISHED!"
He opened his eyes and was over the Moon!
It looked like his cut was by Vidal Sassoon!
His hair was no longer the nest of a vulture;
It was "modern-art" like an avant-garde sculpture.
Geometric yet flowing. Organic yet neat...
And that's just the mound that lay at his feet!
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